1. home.

    you aren’t feeling like home right now.

    You feel like a car just passing by my town.  A tourist who claims they know everything but you really dont, do you.

    why am i in this.

    this is too difficult.

    this is going to end.

    im giving too much and not getting enough.

    i feel like im not a priority.

    fuck you.

  2. home

  3. sad epiphany of sorts

    it isnt the thought that counts, it is rarely the words coming out of you that counts,rather, it is your actions that mean the most to me.
    fix it.

  4. There is a kind boy
    And I ache to hold his hand
    And spill my heart
    And embrace his words
    Into the early hours of every morning

  5. He said he was going to ask me out on a date but listened to himself to not because  he learned that I push people away. I do, to save myself, I’m selfish that way. My heart was racing like someone had pressed their lips against mine but this was merely an almost date that I probably wouldve avoided anyways. Good for him, he saved himself. Bad for me, opened up feelings and now I feel crap. I should go to a therapist but I can’t.  This life is torture and im tired to my bones. Goodnight.

  6. Drunk is exactly what I am.

  7. Inevitablility

    It’s inevitable but, no one deserves to miss someone so much that they feel like they’re missing a piece of themselves.

    It. is. a. FUCKING. horrible. feeling.

    someone please help me. it feels like i cannot breathe. and im afraid that if someone says one small thing im gonna start crying because i miss them so much.

    note to self: never get close to someone enough to miss them this badly.


  8. hey

    hey ya’ll, which means pretty much me.

    so Manan and swats came over from western for pretty much the night.

    i just had the most simplest amazing time. It was just fucking great to be thought as a person and not be second. the party was something new.

    met a new person, hopefully we’ll be/ remain friends. Raghav seems like such a sweetheart. he has barriers but sometimes thats fine..why not. we are all going to get hurt at some point in our lifetime. its inevitable. i think i might even have a crush on him. but it wont turn into much. I’m not comfortable being what he probably wants. im judging of course but whatevs.


    its the next afternoon. haven;t slept for over 24 hours but and had a proper meal in a long time. but im happy. its rare to say this but im so happy. becuase i was in good company. people with such good hearts whatever they do physically.

    my god,  i love being with people. i want to be the best me and i should do that by learning from raghav

    of course, dont give a flying fuck. and also dont trash talk about other people. thats horrible and should not be done.

    you are an amazing person, as manan has drunkenly and soberly stated many a times.

    stay awesome.

    love doesnt exist


  9. i know things, i just dont follow through on them.

    going to hell.

  10. now that i realize, i’ve been kinda stressed this whole week. i have to make a decision about what the fuck i;m gonna do with the rest of my life. i. dont. know. how am i supposed to? with what knowledge ( i should do extensive research, i know) …

    i have no motivation for anything in life, unless you count sleep and fiction as something worthwhile, which they arent. is this not a problem?

    fuck, i dont know why im even alive. im using up resources that people more deserving could be using. i realize this but i know that i dont really give a fuck enough to change.

    i just keep hoping ( what a fucking let down hope is) that the next time i get behind the wheel or i cross the street walking, i get hit. but then you ask, why not just do it yourself? im too much of a pussy, even after death, i dont wanna be judged as the girl who gave up, who quit, for no good reason.

    i wish i could believe in something, maybe it would keep me sane? but i dont, and im going insane.

    its like, im not worth the company of other people because they are obviously better than i am but then they arent worth my company. is that just a defense?

    helpme. please. someone. be intelligent, show me some light. pursue me, break my barriers. please.

    help me.