A Different View of this World we Live in.

It’s inevitable but, no one deserves to miss someone so much that they feel like they’re missing a piece of themselves.

It. is. a. FUCKING. horrible. feeling.

someone please help me. it feels like i cannot breathe. and im afraid that if someone says one small thing im gonna start crying because i miss them so much.

note to self: never get close to someone enough to miss them this badly.

helpme.

hey ya’ll, which means pretty much me.

so Manan and swats came over from western for pretty much the night.

i just had the most simplest amazing time. It was just fucking great to be thought as a person and not be second. the party was something new.

met a new person, hopefully we’ll be/ remain friends. Raghav seems like such a sweetheart. he has barriers but sometimes thats fine..why not. we are all going to get hurt at some point in our lifetime. its inevitable. i think i might even have a crush on him. but it wont turn into much. I’m not comfortable being what he probably wants. im judging of course but whatevs.

anyways

its the next afternoon. haven;t slept for over 24 hours but and had a proper meal in a long time. but im happy. its rare to say this but im so happy. becuase i was in good company. people with such good hearts whatever they do physically.

my god,  i love being with people. i want to be the best me and i should do that by learning from raghav

of course, dont give a flying fuck. and also dont trash talk about other people. thats horrible and should not be done.

you are an amazing person, as manan has drunkenly and soberly stated many a times.

stay awesome.

love doesnt exist

lol

i know things, i just dont follow through on them.

going to hell.

i tried throwing up.. on purpose. i dont want to be fat. then maybe someone will like me.

fuck, this is so superficial.

maybe i should stop judging myself. maybe then, i will be free.

i want it all to end.

helpme.

please.

now that i realize, i’ve been kinda stressed this whole week. i have to make a decision about what the fuck i;m gonna do with the rest of my life. i. dont. know. how am i supposed to? with what knowledge ( i should do extensive research, i know) …

i have no motivation for anything in life, unless you count sleep and fiction as something worthwhile, which they arent. is this not a problem?

fuck, i dont know why im even alive. im using up resources that people more deserving could be using. i realize this but i know that i dont really give a fuck enough to change.

i just keep hoping ( what a fucking let down hope is) that the next time i get behind the wheel or i cross the street walking, i get hit. but then you ask, why not just do it yourself? im too much of a pussy, even after death, i dont wanna be judged as the girl who gave up, who quit, for no good reason.

i wish i could believe in something, maybe it would keep me sane? but i dont, and im going insane.

its like, im not worth the company of other people because they are obviously better than i am but then they arent worth my company. is that just a defense?

helpme. please. someone. be intelligent, show me some light. pursue me, break my barriers. please.

help me.

what do you do when you know, for a fact, that every part of you…your body, mind, and soul… every single atom, is absolutely worthless.