now that i realize, i’ve been kinda stressed this whole week. i have to make a decision about what the fuck i;m gonna do with the rest of my life. i. dont. know. how am i supposed to? with what knowledge ( i should do extensive research, i know) …
i have no motivation for anything in life, unless you count sleep and fiction as something worthwhile, which they arent. is this not a problem?
fuck, i dont know why im even alive. im using up resources that people more deserving could be using. i realize this but i know that i dont really give a fuck enough to change.
i just keep hoping ( what a fucking let down hope is) that the next time i get behind the wheel or i cross the street walking, i get hit. but then you ask, why not just do it yourself? im too much of a pussy, even after death, i dont wanna be judged as the girl who gave up, who quit, for no good reason.
i wish i could believe in something, maybe it would keep me sane? but i dont, and im going insane.
its like, im not worth the company of other people because they are obviously better than i am but then they arent worth my company. is that just a defense?
helpme. please. someone. be intelligent, show me some light. pursue me, break my barriers. please.